oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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