you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
