my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
