shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
