Do you still have your period?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
