please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
