Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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