All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
