Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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