I just threw up on my dentist
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
