How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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