when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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