..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
