I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
