I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He better not be in your backpack
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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