My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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