Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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