i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
