I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
