I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize