Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
