We won't sleep together?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
