dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
