bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
