Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
