i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
