In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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