so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
