his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
