Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i think i just lost a toe
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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