Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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