i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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