Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
