i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
