You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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