The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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