hotel room ftw
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
