I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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