Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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