captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
