If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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