WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
