I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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