Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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