He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
