so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
