The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sober January is a disaster.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
