So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
