i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
