I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I looked at my own cervix.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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