o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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