Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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