Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
