i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
