he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
