dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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