She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
