Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
