what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
