I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
