Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize