i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
