Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
