I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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