i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
whose parrot is this?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
