Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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