I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
