I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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