Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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