Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
