WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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